How unready are you for Brexit? Take our quiz

WITH a month until the transition deadline expires, just how unprepared are you for the oncoming shitstorm that is Brexit? Find out with our quiz.

Have you secured a trade deal with the EU?

A) No. I stack shelves in Morrisons so I don’t think they’d listen even if I tried.
B) No. I’ve made a mockery of negotiations so I don’t think they’d listen even if I tried.

How’s the Northern Ireland backstop going?

A) I’m not entirely sure what that is, but I can fetch my manager if you think that would help?
B) Getting there! I fired my special adviser, the only man who might’ve been able to cook up a solution, so we should crack it any day now.

Have you won over Joe Biden yet?

A) That’s a bit beyond my job description. I’m not even allowed to serve alcohol without help from my supervisor.
B) I left a lengthy message on his answerphone but he still hasn’t returned my calls. So I’m going to say: yes!

But you’ve sorted trade deals with non-EU members, right?

A) I don’t know who you think I am but I can direct you to the meal deals if you like?
B) My crack agent Liz Truss is on the case, slowly securing deals that leave us worse off.

Have you made a website the public can turn to for advice?

A) I’m going to have to ask you to leave the shop now before I call for security.
B) Not personally, but I’ve outsourced it to the boffins who sorted track and trace so I’m sure it’s totally fine.


Mostly As: You sound pretty level-headed so you should be able to coast through Brexit just fine. Although stockpiling more tinned food couldn’t hurt.

Mostly Bs: Oh dear, it sounds like you totally pissed away the last four years when you should’ve been taking action. Still, let’s hope you’re someone unimportant and not the prime minister, otherwise that would be really catastrophic.

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How to tell your friend you're leaving their bubble

HAVE you formed a bubble with a friend but now want to switch bubbles to a different, better friend? Break the news gently: 

It’s not you, it’s your household

Explain that you absolutely love your friend and have complete trust in their Covid risk level, but sadly you can’t say the same for their household. Blame a Daily Mail-reading parent, a housemate who follows Piers Corbyn on Twitter, or if all else fails, their cat.

No bubble lasts forever

Bubbles are brief, ephemeral things, and while you’ll always treasure your time in a shared bubble it must burst and a new bubble must form. It’s nature’s way and there’s no sense trying to fight it.

This bubble’s suffocating me

We entered this bubble so quickly and it’s got so stale in here it feels like neither of us can move anymore. We need some time out of the bubble to be sure that bubbling together is what we both really want.

There are so many other bubbles out there

It’s wrong to restrict ourselves to one bubble when there are so many beautiful, iridescent bubbles floating on the wind. We’ll probably both gain a lot from bubbling with other people just for a while, just to see what it’s like.

I’m definitely not joining another bubble straight away

No way. I wouldn’t disrespect the bubble we shared by doing that to you. So if it looks like I’m exercising in the park with someone else it’s just coincidence. Maintain social distancing and don’t come close enough to see who it is. I might have Covid.