WITH a month until the transition deadline expires, just how unprepared are you for the oncoming shitstorm that is Brexit? Find out with our quiz.
Have you secured a trade deal with the EU?
A) No. I stack shelves in Morrisons so I don’t think they’d listen even if I tried.
B) No. I’ve made a mockery of negotiations so I don’t think they’d listen even if I tried.
How’s the Northern Ireland backstop going?
A) I’m not entirely sure what that is, but I can fetch my manager if you think that would help?
B) Getting there! I fired my special adviser, the only man who might’ve been able to cook up a solution, so we should crack it any day now.
Have you won over Joe Biden yet?
A) That’s a bit beyond my job description. I’m not even allowed to serve alcohol without help from my supervisor.
B) I left a lengthy message on his answerphone but he still hasn’t returned my calls. So I’m going to say: yes!
But you’ve sorted trade deals with non-EU members, right?
A) I don’t know who you think I am but I can direct you to the meal deals if you like?
B) My crack agent Liz Truss is on the case, slowly securing deals that leave us worse off.
Have you made a website the public can turn to for advice?
A) I’m going to have to ask you to leave the shop now before I call for security.
B) Not personally, but I’ve outsourced it to the boffins who sorted track and trace so I’m sure it’s totally fine.
Mostly As: You sound pretty level-headed so you should be able to coast through Brexit just fine. Although stockpiling more tinned food couldn’t hurt.
Mostly Bs: Oh dear, it sounds like you totally pissed away the last four years when you should’ve been taking action. Still, let’s hope you’re someone unimportant and not the prime minister, otherwise that would be really catastrophic.