How’s that Brexit street party going?
IF you’re a Brexiter, don’t let Brexit being delayed and turning into a total shambles stop you having a fantastic street party. Here’s how to plan an unforgettable event.
Buy more booze
You probably already planned to have plenty to drink, but now you’ll need more to cheer up Leavers who aren’t getting their wonderful hard Brexit plunging the UK into ruin. A bottle of Victory gin each should do it.
Serve patriotic Brexit food
No massive change required here. Make sure there’s nothing foreign, obviously, so forget the vol-au-vents, canapes and quiche. There’s still a slight chance of a no-deal Brexit though, so get a taste of that by taking fresh fruit and vegetables off the menu too.
Put up decorations
There’s no better way to say “We’re pretending it’s 1945!” than with bunting and Union Jack flags, ideally not those with the EU safety mark. Forget about the fire risk – accidentally setting yourself on fire is the perfect Brexit metaphor.
Have violently anti-EU party games
Brexit clearly hasn’t been put on hold because it’s a terrible idea – it’s because of the BLOODY EU. Make pinatas of Michel Barnier and Donald Tusk to take out your frustrations on, or play ‘Pin the tail on the Guy Verhofstadt’s arse’.
Not those sorts of drugs. Just bring along anything you’ve got in your bathroom and share them in case there are still medicine shortages.
Bring plenty of Dunkirk spirit and British pluck
Brexiters are always droning on about how they love adversity, so what could be more enjoyable than Brexit basically being cancelled?