RETIRED grease trap cleaner Roy Hobbs is obsessed with migrants and regularly goes spotting on the Kent coast. He explains his rewarding hobby:
Folk say to me ‘Roy, maybe you should stop worrying about migrants and get on with your own life’. But they don’t know.
Fearing migrants has so brought my life so much joy. There’s the warm glow of self-righteous anger – how dare they come here and take over the country I was born into by chance?
It’s like a war film. As the foreign hordes descend, who’s holding them back except me and other brave patriots on cliffs with binoculars, ranting in pubs and posting cliched, semi-coherent screeds to a WhatsApp group?
As I wisely pointed out on the Daily Express comments: ‘Lot’s of young men why do’nt they stay in Sirya and fight?’ It was very well-received.
There are other benefits. I like to work out how many migrants would fill an English city. Yesterday 430 of the buggers crossed the Channel. Another year at this exact same rate and they’d need a city the size of Gloucester to house them. It’s good mental exercise, like sudoku.
It’s also helped broaden my interests in hatred. I hate the woke liberal elite who want to give them all a free house and a flashy car. I’ve even started hating the RNLI! I know!
Of course there’s the occasional downside. My wife makes me hold militia meetings in the shed and my son and daughter have stopped ringing. But these are minor issues.
So I’d highly recommend obsessing about migrants as a hobby. It even keeps you fit; I’m going for a walk now to see if I can spot any harassing the Queen’s swans. Why not join me?