TOTTENHAM Hotspur and the United Kingdom are both entirely ungovernable and doing so only ruins the reputation of anyone who tries. 

Both the club and the country are full of overpaid twats who are not really interested in working while blaming anyone but themselves for being in the shit.

Thomas Frank, a German perfectly capable of managing anything without delusions of grandeur, said: “The minute you get appointed, you’re a wanker and it’s all your fault.

“Ignoring that the bloke before had a solid record of achievement before being handed this shit sandwich and the whole place has been coasting on past glories for decades.

“They’re both decent locations for hosting gigs. Foreigners like it here because they get loads of money for doing nothing. And they remain strong brands if you’re into street violence.

“Otherwise it’s a complete write-off and has been for 60 years, notwithstanding the odd FA Cup or Falklands War.”

Tottenham fan and Briton Tom Booker said: “I blame the overseas owners.”