REMEMBER that bloke who became Tory leader in 2019? He was great. I’d vote for him, and millions of you did. Would I vote for what I’ve become? Not likely.
That guy was amazing. Bouncy and excited as a new puppy, full of all these brilliant promises, offhandedly dismissing the doomsters and gloomsters. There was no way he could fail.
And despite the fact that he did, repeatedly, almost immediately, setting Brexit deadlines and missing them, proroguing Parliament then having to bring it back, firing loads of MPs, he sold it like a wild success and won an election.
What a dude. He did Brexit, he went on holiday, he got his girlfriend pregnant to celebrate. There wasn’t anything that could bring him down.
Well. Let’s be fair, he was unfortunate. A pandemic, lockdowns, losing his pals Cummings and Trump, and then, same as always happens, he started getting caught in lies. A lot of lies. Basically anything that was a brilliant promise was a lie.
Brexit done? Yes and it’s shit. Pandemic over? Apart from all the dying. Britain on the up and up? Only inflation.
And that bouncy puppy? Now a surly, hangdog old hound, grouching around, quick to snarl at children. Look at him. Caught and found out like he’s been in every job and every marriage. Waiting for it to be over.
I wouldn’t vote for him. He doesn’t want you to vote for him. He wants out of this place so he can go off to somewhere new – probably America – where he hasn’t been rumbled yet.
So please, on Thursday, do what I would do. Make your X anywhere but Conservative. Do it for Boris.