THE government has explained that anything good which happens in Britain is all Boris Johnson but anything bad is your fault and your problem.
It gave the example of a rise in Covid deaths being the fault of people not coming forward for booster jabs they are not yet eligible for, while decreases in Covid are down to Johnson’s incredible vaccine programme.
Heath secretary Sajid Javid said: “It’s perfectly simple. The truck driver shortage is bad, therefore it’s not our fault. Did I remind you it’s going on all over Europe for the billionth time?
“However, truck driver pay going up as a direct result of said shortage is good, so that’s all thanks to Boris. He’s been passionate about lorry drivers’ pay all his life, and you owe it all to him.
“Historically low housing stock? Bloody builders need a kick up the arse. Rocketing house prices as a direct consequence? The Tories diligently looking after Middle England yet again.
“If you die of Covid this winter, you’ve let us and your country down. If you live, you owe it all to our incredible leader and are morally obligated to vote for him. Got it?”
Wayne Hayes of Weybridge said: “I understood it straight away. It’s exactly like the relationship I have with my wife.”