Is Clegg still deputy prime minister? asks Huhne

CHRIS Huhne left prison today and demanded to know of jet packs, food pills and whether Nick Clegg was somehow still in the government.

After his long incarceration the former cabinet minister stared in wonder at the latest version of the Volkswagen Golf and asked if it was ‘driven by a robot’.

He then quizzed waiting reporters on ‘what Nick Clegg was doing now’ before adding: “No, that’s completely insane. Are you fucking with me?

“But I’ve been in prison for almost two months.”

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Game of Thrones to reach its climax in 2468

CURRENT fans of TV fantasy epic Game of Thrones will die several hundred years before it concludes.

The series has so many plots, locations and gratuitous sex scenes that it is progressing at a fraction of the speed of real life, and will not conclude for over four centuries.

Fan Tom Booker said: “I was a childless bachelor when it began. Now I’m married and a father with another one on the way, and Sansa Stark is still mooning around King’s Landing in a green dress.

“I hope the intelligent cockroaches that will have replaced man as the Earth’s dominant species by the time it finishes will watch and find out who will finally sits on the Iron Throne.”

Father-of-three Julian Cook said: “It was all tits and swords at the start, but now I realise I’ve been conned into watching The Forsyte Saga with dragons.”

Author George RR Martin, who bought Tolkien’s middle initials for $6.8 million at a literary auction, said: “The peasants who fought in the Hundred Years War never knew how it ended. Nor will the fans of Game of Thrones.

“I haven’t even finished the books yet. The plan is that I’m going to get and far as I can until I am on the verge of death.

“Then my brain will be removed and cryogenically frozen until the technology exists to install it into a bearded robot body.”