It would be a tragedy if we did not use this to attack Labour and the BBC

THE events in Israel are horrifying and tragic. But if we can use them to develop solid lines of attack against the BBC and Keir Starmer, then we must. 

For example, remember Jeremy Corbyn? A personal friend of Hamas and leader of the Labour party who Keir Starmer swore eternal fealty to? Because we do.

Why, it was only four years ago Starmer was trying to get that man elected, standing foursquare behind him and, by implication, terrorism. He as good as did this.

And on the subject of terrorism, what about the BBC? Who when reporting on these armed assaults failed to call Hamas terrorists in every single sentence they spoke and never once superimposed a red caption saying ‘terrorists’ when they appeared.

Isn’t the very timing of this attack during the Labour party conference suspicious in itself? Just when they need cover for their policy-free posturing, their friends start a war. What else set it off?

Nor does it matter that Corbyn isn’t in the party anymore. We’re two whole administrations away from the Conservative party of 2019, but people still unfairly link them to their past.

We cannot let the horror we are seeing in Israel go unused. To weaponise it against our state broadcaster and party of opposition is our duty as decent newspapers.

Signed by the Daily Mail, Express, Telegraph, and GB News

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Woman spends days analysing texts of obvious f**kwit

A WOMAN has spent five days minutely analysing text messages from an indisputable moron that she fancies. 

Lauren Hewitt has been poring over and consulting with friends as though the texts, which included ‘u horney yeh’, were as important as decrypting the Enigma code despite glaring evidence of idiocy.

Charlotte Phelps said: “She’s sending screenshots for us to decipher as if she’d found an ancient Mayan codex that held the key to saving the world, as opposed to a dickhead.

“He’s another self-obsessed wanker looking for a situationship. You don’t need to parse every possible meaning of ‘not sure if i’m up for serioys rite now babe’ followed by a 2am ‘uso hot nudes?’

“She’s reading up about attachment theory and analysing his childhood while he’s sending GIFs of The Boys. When he called her by the wrong name she interpreted it as him being comfortable enough with her to make mistakes, signalling a new level of intimacy.

“He’s a f**kboi lurching from erection to erection having his tossed-off words analysed by a crack team as if they were a radio signal from a distant galaxy. We are all wasting time on a cretin. He is kind of hot though.”

Lauren Hewitt said: “He’s just texted ‘Titties pls’. Do you think that means he’s finally open to love?”