LABOUR is on the brink of forming at least a hung parliament if last night’s unique circumstances happen everywhere in the UK.
The opposition is confident that if every seat involves an MP being booted out due to a Covid scandal, a first minister resigning due to numerous controversies, the press demolishing their opponents and some tactical voting, then they might, just might, gain power.
Keir Starmer said: “It’s a long shot but you never know. Maybe lightning will strike a few dozen more times.
“We won in Rutherglen and Hamilton West partly because voter turnout was so low and everyone felt disillusioned. And given how miserable and apathetic everyone is, I’d say the odds are in our favour as we cruise towards 2024.
“Admittedly it’s as still only as likely as winning the lottery five times in a row or stumbling across a field with only four-leaf clovers, but we can dream can’t we?
“By-elections are a cast-iron indicator of what the country wants. And if we ignore what happened in Uxbridge and South Ruislip and focus purely on this, we’re already in Number 10.
“So why don’t we skip the tedious formality of what’s sure to be a bitterly-fought election and take charge now? As yesterday proved, it’s a done deal. Go on, let me fly everywhere in a helicopter a bit early.”