Monday, 3rd August 2020

Let's all vote for twats

THE UK has woken up and grimly set out to do its democratic duty by voting for an irredeemable f**king twat. 

Across the country, voters are preparing to vote for MPs they despise to give parties they loathe a majority in parliament simply because the other side are worse. 

Tom Booker of Stoke-on-Trent said: “I’m voting for an absolute snivelling ars*hole of a man called Gareth Snell, who’s keen on Brexit while I’m dead against it, to stop the Tories. 

“I’m voting for him so Jeremy Corbyn, a sanctimonious f**khead I can’t see on TV for five seconds without scrambling for the mute button, gets closer to power. I don’t know how we ended up here and I wish it could stop.” 

However neighbour Donna Sheridan said: “I’m backing Jo Gideon, our Conservative candidate who is a Kent councillor who probably can’t hear my accent without a reflexive sneer of disgust. 

“I have to, because she’s backing Brexit and the sexually incontinent serial liar who leads her party promises he’ll get Brexit done, which means nothing, but is the best hope I’ve got. 

“In short, like the rest of the country, I have no option but to vote for an utter twat because if I don’t the wrong twat might get in.”