Man forgets he bought seven luxury flats

A MAN completely forgot he had bought a large number of luxury flats, he has revealed.

Businessman Roy Hobbs was surprised and delighted to discover he was the proud owner of seven seaside properties which – he believes – could turn out to be a good investment.

Hobbs said: “You should have seen my face when my wife reminded me I’d bought a load of expensive flats. I was like, ‘What? No way! Hey, that’s pretty cool!’

“I suppose I must have looked at the flats, online at least, then authorised a massive bank payment and maybe thought about the shitloads of money I was going to make, but it completely slipped my mind.

“Now I think back my last bank statement was at least £2.45 million less than I’d expected, but I assumed we’d just done lots of big shops at Sainsbury’s.

“Jeremy Hunt has totally got my sympathy. Not keeping on top of how many really expensive properties you’ve bought is so easy to do.

“I’m still surprised I’d forget something like this, but then I’m always doing daft stuff like looking for the Sky control and realising it’s right next to me on the sofa.”

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Parents always choose same food they have at home in restaurants

A WOMAN is wondering why her parents bother to eat out when they always choose food that is indistinguishable from what they have at home.

Emma Bradford’s parents Ken and Sylvia doggedly stick to unadventurous choices such as gammon steak, familiar pizzas or even egg and chips.

She said: “I just don’t understand it. It’s lucky restaurants don’t serve buttered toast as a main course, because they’d order that if they could.

“I’ve even heard dad say he prefers Tesco frozen pizza to restaurant pizza because it ‘hasn’t got that funny green stuff on top’, as if they normally come covered in chemical waste.”

Sylvia Bradford said: “If we order something slightly unusual from a restaurant that’s been successfully making money selling food for years it could be completely disgusting and ruin our evening.

“We often have fish and chips because we know we like it. Even so, it’s a shame so many restaurants insist on cooking their own food instead of doing ready meals.”

Ken Bradford said: “Tonight I’m planning on having a margherita, but to be honest I wish they could just serve you some bread, cheese and a tomato on a plate.

“I suppose I could order a ploughman’s lunch but these days it comes with little pots of chutney which aren’t Branston Pickle and therefore strange and frightening.”