People who call you ‘mate’ may actually despise you

A NEW study has revealed that ‘mate’ is often used as verbal camouflage by people who think the person they are addressing is a twat or worse.

The Institute for Studies found people who call you ‘mate’ were rarely an actual mate and often had ulterior motives such as getting you to do something.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Mate is not always the guaranteed term of affection we assume it to be.

“Frequently the use of ‘mate’ is an attempt to create the illusion of friendship by tradesmen wanting to be paid or people persuading you it’s your round at the bar.

“Our study also revealed that ‘hun,’ ‘lovely’ and ‘sweetheart’ are often used without 100% emotional sincerity, in most cases by hairdressers or managers wanting you to work late for no extra money.

“My advice to the public is not to take being called ‘mate’ at face value, especially if you’re interacting with a builder who has already messed you around with bullshit excuses like his cat having depression.”

Plumber Stephen Malley said: “When I say ‘mate’, I mean ‘prick’.”