A MAN who has acted like a total prick for 12 years is taking a leaf out of the Tories’ book and pretending it was someone else’s fault.
Julian Cook has lied, cheated, gaslit, offended and generally upset everyone he has met over the last decade but is now acting like it was nothing to do with him.
Cook said: “My life is a horrible mess littered with ruined relationships and shattered dreams, but it turns out none of that is my fault. Even though I was the one who did it.
“Like the Conservative party, I’m disowning everything I did and announcing that I want to move on. Tough shit if I’ve f**ked you over. Let it go.
“The sleazy skirt-chasing, the drunken unreliability, the obnoxious personality, the borrowed money, the sexual harassment – yep, I’m ignoring that like Truss ignores twats like George Osborne and Iain Duncan Smith.
“I’m a new man, and absolutely not the same old useless twat who’s had a hair cut and changed his shirt. So just be nice to me now, okay?”
Cook’s ex-partner Nikki Hollis said: “He’s right that he’s like the Tories. Once a f**king bastard, always a f**king bastard.”