THE mob that chased Keir Starmer yesterday believe he has inherited the powers of Jimmy Savile and can ‘fix it’ for them to do whatever they want.
The Labour leader fled down Victoria Embankment away from the baying crowd, who refused to let him escape until he had fulfilled the requests they made in childish letters written 40 years earlier.
Steve Malley, aged 49, said: “Savile was a bad man. I know that now. But that doesn’t mean our dreams should go unrealised.
“When Starmer got Savile acquitted in court, which I remember happened now Boris said, he handed on his fixing-it powers to him as a gift. Starmer can fix it for me to meet Suzi Quatro. And he must.”
Fellow angry mob member Joanna Kramer said: “We all have different requests. I wanted to stand on the top of the Post Office Tower. Darryl wanted to do zero-gravity BMX tricks. Carl wanted to tap-dance with the Roly-Polys. Piers wanted to control the weather.
“Why should we live our lives unfulfilled and disappointed when, with a click of his fingers from his magic chair, Starmer could fix it for us and we could have our medals and everything?”
Boris Johnson said: “Keir Starmer cannot ‘fix it’ for anyone. That is specious nonsense on stilts and I apologise profoundly if I gave that impression.
“I, however, can.”