A JOURNALIST turning out inflammatory columns for a downmarket rag has woken from a dream where he was briefly prime minister.
The overweight, lazy, scruffy hack, who has done nothing but write ill-informed columns firing up idiots about bullshit his entire life, woke from a start at his desk from a wonderful fantasy where he led the whole country until it went horribly wrong.
Johnson, a former Daily Telegraph columnist who has now sunk to the depths of the Mail, said: “But it seemed so real.
“I was Mayor of London and got all the girls, then I discovered this magical thing called Brexit. What was it? Like an… amulet, or a glowing mineral or a spray aerosol that made everything perfect.
“Because I held The Brexit I became prime minister, and I was wise and good and loved throughout the land but then there was a plague, or something? And I was living with this blonde I used to work with who said she was Queen and kept turning up with new babies?
“Then I was at a party and I was naked, maybe, or had committed some social infraction and suddenly everyone hated me and I couldn’t find Brexit then I woke up here.
“Where I’ve always been. Churning out crap for dickheads.”
