HEY, BBC. I like the broadcasting corporation you got there. David Attenborough. Nice. Real national treasure. Strictly Come Dancing. Light entertainment a country can really sink its teeth into. Like I say, nice.
Nice building you got there, too, Broadcasting House. Real historical. I like that. ‘Nation Shall Speak Unto Nation’. That’s classy. And Radio 4. Thought For The Day. The Archers, the freaking Archers, stretching way back and shit.
So all I’m saying is, a broadcasting corporation should mind how it goes. Watch its step. Remember who controls its purse strings.
We all like to settle down as a family and watch BBC Ten O’Clock News. But let’s not bullshit, we know it’s a nest of pinkos and lefties – Laura Kuenssberg, Andrew Neil. Snakes who make out that the Conservatives are making a pig’s ass of things when we all know everything’s going real smooth.
Sure, we got a few internal difficulties right now but we’ll straighten them out. And if our Mr Johnson makes a gaffe here or closes a high speed railway line there, do us a favour – look the other way, huh?
Because it’d be a shame after all these decades if your interfering reporting meant we had to abolish your commie asses and that nice piece of prime real estate off Oxford Street got sold as private apartments to our friends from Russia and Saudi Arabia.
Just think. No more documentaries about saving the blue whale and shit, or Doctor Freakin’ Who, any of that stuff. And you saps scratching around for jobs on the QVC Channel.
Just be nice, that’s all we ask. Be nice, huh? Or sleep with the fishes.