Friday, 28th February 2020

Police to get less than a third of one of Grayling's fuck-ups

POLICE facing a nationwide knife crime epidemic are to get much less than the cost of fixing one of Chris Grayling’s regular fuck-ups.

The Cabinet is battling over whether to release £10m of extra funding to stop horrific murders or hang on to it for the transport minister’s next spectacularly expensive disaster.

Chancellor Philip Hammond said: “£10 million is small change in the wider scheme of things and could make a real difference to knife crime, but we’ve got to plan for a future where Chris Grayling is still in government.

“This week it was £33 million to Eurotunnel because he bollocksed up massively. Next week it could be £108 million to prisoners unlawfully denied books. To be honest I wouldn’t be surprised if he does something really fucking stupid like setting fire to Wales.

“Britain needs to ask itself what it values more: the lives of its young people, or keeping Chris Grayling in a ministerial position? Remember, he’s solidly for Brexit.”

Grayling said: “I’m happy to have a crack at stopping knife crime. Just bear in mind it’ll make everything worse and cost £14 billion.”