After Brexit we set sail for America, says May

THERESA May told Britain today that once a clean Brexit is achieved, Britain will weigh anchor and sail across the Atlantic to the New World. 

The prime minister outlined her plan to cut all ties with the continent including geographical ones, leaving Britain free to roam the world with impunity. 

She continued: “We cannot hold on to bits of European membership, apart from free trade, bank passporting and a few others, so to continue being physically linked to it is more than Britain can bear. 

“In March 2019, once clean Brexit has been achieved and the EU’s population instructed not to even look at us without permission, Britain’s vast sails will be erected and we depart for America dragging the Chunnel behind us. 

“And if America proves inhospitable then perhaps Australia or Africa or simply a merry life of piracy on the high seas. 

“Oh, and Ireland’s coming with us as a hostage.”