Poor people to graze on London’s ‘garden bridge’

LONDON’s new ‘garden bridge’ will be grazed by herds of people living below the poverty threshold, it has been confirmed.

The trust behind the £185m bridge confirmed that it was provide much-needed grazing land for herds of minimum wage workers and the unemployed.

A spokesman said: “The grazing poor will quietly munch their way through grass and vegetation, standing on all fours in their pants. Children will be able to pat some of the tamer ones and perhaps give them names.

“However we will need to ban fireworks in the locality, which could cause them to stampede and fall into the Thames.”

Benefits claimant Nikki Hollis said: “I do like the taste of grass. It’s surprisingly tangy and is excellently complimented by rainwater collected in an old ice cream tub.”

She added: “And London definitely needs more massive expensive shiny things.”