Gove hoping for 'bumbling idiot butler' role in Trump household

MICHAEL Gove is hoping Donald Trump will hire him as his ‘bumbling British butler’ when he becomes president, it has emerged.

After meeting the president-elect, Gove confirmed that he would not turn his nose up at the chance to wake Trump every morning with his morning coffee and hate mail.

He said: “I’ve seen pretty much every episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air so I know how I’d be expected to behave, which could include ‘blacking up’ but that would really be up to Mr Trump.”

And if we wants to grab me by my body parts then I’d be more than happy with that too.”

A Trump insider said: “The president has expressed an interest in hiring Gove as his butler but only if Theresa May comes along as his housekeeper and Nigel Farage joins them as stable boy.

Farage’s role would be to look after the president’s racehorses by shovelling their dung into wheelbarrows, feeding them mints and masturbating them when they become too feisty.

You could say it’s quite a demeaning position but he was leader of UKIP so it really is more of a sideways step if anything.”


Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Men desperate to help push car

A GROUP of over 80 men is jostling to help push a broken-down car.

Following the battery-related breakdown of a Jeep, nearby men stopped whatever they were doing and desperately rushed to assist, with several falling over as they ran out of nearby businesses.

Passer-by Tom Logan said: “As a man, there is nothing I love more than pushing a car. Even better if the driver is also a man, because it makes me look superior to him and dominant.

“I’ve grabbed a bit of bumper and am making grunting noises even though the other men have all the weight.

“I might even shout ‘pump the clutch, pump the clutch’, whatever that means. I don’t even drive.”

Local shop owner Stephen Malley said: “This could be my only chance to do a manly thing this year.

“I’ve managed to open the passenger door and push that, which is a higher-status pushing role than at the back.”

He said: “Women are watching us with desire in their eyes. This is what I live for.”