Amateur football team loses 15-0 after letting Corbyn join in

JEREMY Corbyn is not very good at helping his own team win at football, an amateur side has discovered.

Players in a park in Islington invited the Labour leader to join in their game, only to find he was strangely unconcerned about beating the other team.

Team captain Martin Bishop said: “Early on he could have scored but he passed the ball back pointlessly because he ‘didn’t want to commit to a course of action without having all the independently verified facts’.

“Sometimes he’d just let players stroll past him. I asked why and he said he believed in a ‘kinder type of football’ where both teams have completely equal possession.

“Also he managed to score nine own goals. That’s a record even for us, and we’re the sort of totally shit, unfit players who only do it to get pissed afterwards.”

Corbyn said: “I see football very much as a cooperative sport, with all 22 players working together as a community to promote equality and socialist values.

“At one point the other team’s extremely overweight goalie tripped over. I felt it would be discriminatory to shoot and so put the ball out of play in keeping with my principles.”