THERESA May has asked Britain if her arms look like the freakish limbs of a supervillain who chokes life from her enemies, or not.
The Conservative leader said that if the country honestly believes that she resembles the secret leader of a global terror organisation called something like S.Q.U.I.D, it should say so.
She continued: “Be straight with me. Do I look evil?
“Can you imagine me assuming my true form in some kind of underground headquarters, extra limbs bursting from my clothes, my face contorting to a cruel beak? Just say.
“If you can’t sleep for thinking that my phantom hands are around your throat, even while I’m laughing hundreds of miles away, I’d rather know.
“No. No, I didn’t think you suspected I was sent here as vanguard of an interstellar invasion force to take the Earth’s water. I was just checking.”
Voter Norman Steele said: “Oh yeah, she’s definitely plotting to control the world’s nuclear arsenal and force us all to slave in her yttrium mines.
“But come on. It’s her or Corbyn.”