Arseholed Nick Clegg screams filth at a pigeon

AN incredibly drunk Nick Clegg has been swearing violently at a pigeon in central London.

It is understood the distraught former Lib Dem leader started drinking ‘very early’ and by midday was standing in Trafalgar Square telling a pigeon it was a ‘manky racist bastard’.

Eyewitness Jane Thomson, said: “He was swaying dramatically and had clearly singled out this one pigeon.

“He was pointing at it shouting ‘you baldy prick, I’ll kick you up the fucking ringpiece. Just because you were in the army, you don’t scare me’.

“Then he chased after the pigeon shouting, ‘you were shit at your job, you were shit at your job’.”

Thomson added: “And then I realised that he was so utterly hammered he thought the pigeon was Iain Duncan Smith. We’ve all been there.”

The pigeon, Tom Logan, said: “I feel for the guy. I’m a passionate pro-European myself, so it’s a difficult day. Anyway, have you got any crisps or are we just wasting each other’s time?”