Boris still not likeable

THE Mayor of London is still not particularly likeable despite a sustained campaign of antics.

Researchers found that despite Boris Johnson’s unruly hair, physical clumsiness and mild resistance to police authority, less than four per cent of Britons actually like him.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Never has someone had so many of the characteristics of likeability without actually being likeable.

“A grown man of not inconsiderable girth giving his wife a backie on his bike should scream ‘amiable maverick’ but somehow you just want to push him off.

“It all seems a bit contrived and stunt-y. Like he’s the Evil Knievel of affability.”

Plumber Roy Hobbs said: “On the one hand, Boris does a lot of amusing cock-ups, often involving elements of physical comedy.

“On the other, he’s a twat.”

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Summer confirms ‘bold, original’ ending

SUMMER has decided to end suddenly for artistic reasons, it has confirmed.

The season claimed it wanted to do something bold and original rather than just drag on for months while everyone slowly lost interest.

Summer said: “When thinking about how I was going to pan out, I was really inspired by the film No Country for Old Men. I love how you’re just getting into it then suddenly the main character’s dead without any fanfare or explanation.

“That’s kind of what I’m going for. Other seasons just do their three months or whatever, but I’m way deeper than that.

“You think you know what I’m going to do and then – rain.

“I like to play with people’s preconceptions of what a season is.”

Summer added that it might throw in another couple of sunny days amid the rain ‘to keep everyone on their toes’.

Sunshine fan Emma Bradford said: “Summer needs to get over itself and give the fans a proper ending. We’re not ready to be cold and wet.

“Nobody except the critics likes pretentious weather.”