Brexit only really happening to Brexit voters

A REGIONAL breakdown of Brexit’s impact has shown that Brexit only really happens to you if you voted for it. 

Official forecasts show that areas that voted for Brexit, like the North-East or West Midlands, will receive all the advantages and disadvantages of Brexit while London will be unaffected as usual. 

The news has been greeted warmly by both sides. Joseph Turner, from Bristol, said: “Wait, I don’t have to do Brexit? I can still go on citybreaks? It’s their problem?

“Go right ahead then. Like I’m going to care if a load of poor places make themselves even poorer. That’s already happening and I already don’t.”

But Donna Sheridan of Stoke-on-Trent said: “I pity them Remainers. Missing out on all that sovereignity. 

“They say there will be an economic depression but what they don’t realise is that’s all lies that they’ve made up themselves and then tricked themselves into believing. 

“I’ll be kind to them, when it’s all done. I’ll scatter a few banknotes from the windows of my Merc as I drive past, and I’ll let them use our brand-new NHS.”