BRISTOL has elected a Conservative mayor because most of the city’s population was stoned and forgot to vote.
New mayor Tim Bowles acknowledged the circumstances of his victory and thanked local weed dealers for their help.
He said: “The only way I was going to win was if a significant number of people were completely toasted and had no idea what day of the week it was, never mind the fact there was an election.
“Not that I have to ask, but please do keep sucking down your funky cigarettes while I go about my nefarious business.”
Stoned Bristol resident Tom Logan said: “Really? Oh. Well that’s not good. I need to get my shit together. Maybe next week, or the week after.
“But right now I just need to stand in the street in broad daylight have a smoke of this delicious, locally grown cannabis.”