Britons slam government for letting them vote

MILLIONS of Britons are furious that they were allowed to vote on leaving the EU, they have announced.

Voters condemned the government’s irresponsible attitude after it failed to stop them voting in a referendum which they chose to be completely ignorant about.

Sales executive Tom Logan said: “Why wasn’t I stopped? I got all my information from skim-reading a jokey article in the Sun. I should never have been let near a polling station.

“The police could have tasered me on my way to vote and locked me up until after 10pm.”

Pensioner Mary Fisher said: “I decided solely on the basis of an anecdote from my granddaughter, who said the Job Centre tells you not to bother applying for jobs because they all go to immigrants.

“Now I’m worried I’ve done the wrong thing but I blame the government for not sending a civil servant round to explain it all to me in person. Not when Emmerdale was on, obviously.”

Marketing assistant Nikki Hollis said: “They shouldn’t have let me vote because I enjoy animated films about talking fish have a t-shirt that just says ‘CAKE’ on it, but it’s okay because I’ll just go back to the polling station tomorrow and change it.”

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Londoners now convinced rural England is basically 'Deliverance'

PRO-EU voters in London now believe the country’s rural communities are filled with utterly terrifying rednecks.

In the wake of the referendum, metropolitan professionals warned that if you venture into the countryside some locals will trap you in a forest and do unspeakable things to you.

Julian Cook, from Camden, said: “Actually, whenever I’ve been in Cornwall I’ve had this sense that the locals were following me down the street. I now realise they were waiting for me to take a wrong turn.”

Tom Logan, from Battersea, added: “Whenever I’ve been in Devon I have noticed a distinct absence of local teeth. And I suspect they only dress normally in order to create a false sense of security. Behind closed doors they all wear dungarees covered in poo.”

Cornish man Martin Bishop said while sharpening a large stick: “There is nothing to worry about. Come for a holiday and bring your guitars.

“Or as we call them ‘fancy banjoes’.”