THE union between England and Scotland is stupid and wrong, David Cameron has finally admitted.
Unveiling his plans to get rid of it, the prime minister said the UK should never have been established in the first place and the whole thing has been a huge waste of everyone’s time.
Cameron said: “I can’t believe I actually liked it. Maybe I was being sentimental, but I’ve now realised that it’s just a load of bollocks.
“We do need somewhere to keep the submarines, but England has an extensive coastline, so there must be somewhere we can park them. They can’t be that big.”
Cameron said Scotland could shove its oil industry as in five years everyone in England will be living in London, where they will either be working in Nandos or selling houses to Saudi Arabians.
He added: “So, in summary, you stay there and be Scottish and communist and we’ll stay here and be English and capitalist.
“I would say, ‘let’s be friends’ but you don’t really care about that and neither do we. Have fun with your new Scandinavian chums, you bunch of ginger freaks.”
Scotland’s first minister, Nicola Sturgeon, said: “At last. Jesus, that took ages. And good luck with Farage and his army of nutters, you toffee-nosed prick.”