Cameron moves Syria Post-it to eye-level

DAVID Cameron has decisively moved a Post-it note reading “Action on SYRIA?!?” to eye-level on his fridge door.

The note, which has been on the fridge since 2013, had become buried under postcards, paintings by his children and old plans for a cabinet reshuffle.

Cameron said: “That note has been placed in the priority position now. Whether I’m getting out the prosecco or yesterday’s guacamole, I’ll see it and it’ll remind me that we have to act and fast.

“I’ve got a barbecue this weekend so it’s not absolutely the only thing that needs doing, but it’ll be there in my subconscious, bubbling away.

“It’s right next to the note about getting the air-con regassed on the Jag, so hopefully one will remind me of the other and vice versa.”

The Post-it, which lost all adhesion more than 18 months ago and is only held up by its neighbours, is expected to flutter to the floor on Saturday evening and to be safely under the fridge by Sunday.

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Coffee round so complicated it requires a specialist

A CITY accountancy firm has advertised for a trained specialist to deal with its daily coffee round.

The process of remembering who takes milk, soy milk, skimmed milk or cream has become so complicated that the position has been opened to anyone with a BSc in applied mathematics for an initial £78,000 a year plus bonuses.

Recruitment manager Stephen Malley said: “The coffee co-ordinator needs to be capable of turning round a tight order under pressure, of remembering that the risk analysts take cinnamon sprinkles and the audit manager needs a chai tea latte, not just a chai tea.

“We’d get the interns to do it, but they’re so stupid they can’t tell the difference between Kenyan and Eritrean beans.”

Coffee consultant Tom Logan said: “This is a fast growing sector. Last year alone 1,000 new wanky ways to order a coffee were invented.

“Remembering them all is tough, but the key to being successful is that nobody has a clue what they taste like and they’re too busy to drink them anyway.

“Sometimes I bring warm milk and nobody notices.”