Cameron reminds everyone it’s an election campaign as he unveils massive lie

DAVID Cameron has urged Britain to get into the spirit of the general election instead of accusing him of lying.

The Tory leader refused to apologise for claiming Labour would hit everyone with a ‘£3000 tax bombshell’ insisting that while it may have been complete fiction, it was also a really good story.

He added: “If you’re going to call me a liar just because I’m lying every time I open my mouth then the next five weeks are going to take ages. For Christ’s sake let’s try and enjoy this.

“Labour will force you to sell your house to a Frenchman and then the Frenchman will live in the house with you and touch you on the bum while you sleep.”

Labour leader Ed Miliband said: “Okay, here goes. The Tories will charge people for being gay and if you can’t pay then you have to stop being gay or you go to prison.

“You’re right, that felt really good.”

He added “David Cameron murdered a guy. I saw him do it. He shot him in the face. And then he peed on him.

“Too far? Okay, good to know.”

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Range Rover unveils most depressing vehicle in history

THE very existence of a new £150k Range Rover is enough to make you want to kill yourself, it has been claimed.

The luxury Range Rover SVAutobiography, which has deep carpeting, a chiller cabinet and massive chairs for horrible people to relax on, is a heartbreaking sign of the times.

Plumber Roy Hobbs said: “Just look at that fucking thing. We are all doomed.”

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “I remember when only vets, farmers, and mountain rescue people had these massive jeep type things.

“Today we laugh at the idea of someone doing the public school run in a fire engine but one day that will happen too. And shortly after that we will all die in a massive war.”

However gangster Julian Cook said: “Cool. Has it got room in the spacious boot for up to three bound-and-gagged rival criminals?

“Obviously that is a purely hypothetical scenario but I just wondered.”