PRIME minister David Cameron will today set out his vision of a ‘wide society’ where everyone has plenty of room to move from side to side.
In a keynote speech in Liverpool Mr Cameron will say that ‘Britain needs to rediscover its ability to widen anything it puts its mind to’ before unveiling a graph showing why wide things are better than narrow things.
The prime minister is pressing ahead with his big wide society idea as it emerged that many Conservative backbenchers are still not 100% clear on what it actually is.
Denys Finch-Hatton, MP for Minchinhamptonsteadbury, said: “Well, it’s er… it’s all about making government shorter and er… wider.
“It’s about squat, stocky government that makes up for its lack of height by having a low centre of gravity that makes it virtually impossible to knock over.
“Take that, China.”
But Tom Logan, MP for Hatfield Central, insisted: “It’s about everyone having the chance to achieve their full width whether it be at the neck, the wrists or the knees.
“By encouraging schools to volunteer their choices we can create a generation of self-starting, wide-kneed children. Yes, that sounds fine. I’m sticking with that.”
Meanwhile Julian Cook, MP for Stevenage South, South-West, said: “Is this the thing about caravans? It is, isn’t it?
“Well, obviously I think everything should be as wide as possible. We can only have wider caravans if we have wider motorways and we can only have wider motorways if we have a much wider society. That’s what I’ve telling my constituents and they are all very excited about it.”
A Downing Street spokesman said: “Wide, width, wideness, wideosity… that sort of thing.
“Narrowness is so appalling. Britain has had enough of big narrowness. It’s all about integrating today’s wideness so that the future people of tomorrow can choose what width they want things to be.”
He added: “I don’t know what I’m doing.”