MINSTERS made up a load of lies to try and get Tory frontbencher Damian Green arrested, it has been claimed.
In a report filled with invisible apostrophes, a committee of MPs accused 'senior civil servants' of 'exaggerating' the 'threat' to 'national security' from leaks of secret Home Office documents.
Mr Green, the shadow immigration minister, and Christopher Galley, a junior Home Office official, were arrested last November following high-profile police raids which raised concerns that Gordon Brown had finally gone completely schizoid.
But the MPs' report, released today, said that 'frustration' by 'officials' may have led them to give an 'exaggerated impression' of the 'threat'.
It added that it was 'unhelpful' to give the police the 'impression' the Home Office leaks had already caused 'considerable damage' to 'national security'.
Political translator Dr Tom Logan, of Reading University, said: "A lot of these reports can be quite tricky to decipher because it's not always obvious where the invisible apostrophes are supposed to go, but this one is fairly straightforward.
"For instance, this first paragraph basically says, 'Sheer desperation and wickedness by the Labour Party led them to pressure civil servants into making up some bullshit in a bid to make the Tories look soft on national security'.
"It then goes on to say, 'We can't prove it, but we know what you did, you lying sacks of shit. You made a total arse of this and you better just hope that everyone keeps their fucking mouths shut'."