JEREMY Corbyn has claimed that his left hand has been working to undermine him.
After studying videos of his own speeches in Labour strongholds, Corbyn noticed that his left hand gestured far less enthusiastically than his right when waving at people who already agreed with him.
Corbyn aide Tom Booker said: “The party cannot afford to be driven apart in this manner by neo-Blairite body parts who refuse to accept the mandate given by Jeremy’s brain.
“He has deselected this hand from all tasks except scratching areas his right hand can’t reach and ringing the bell on his bike until a full investigation has been completed into whether it is actually a stooge placed onto his body at birth by centrists.
“We have no plans for his left nipple at this stage although the situation is ongoing.
“Jeremy feels personally let down by his left hand, considering all the gloves he’s bought it over the years.”