'Corbyn' now a slang term for useless thing

THE word ‘Corbyn’ has become a popular idiom for something that is utterly fucking useless.

The Labour leader’s surname has replaced ‘chocolate fireguard’, ‘chocolate teapot’ and ‘tits on a boar hog’ as the go-to phrase for comically describing something devoid of function.  

Builder Roy Hobbs said: “If I ask for bricks and someone brings me tiles, I’ll call them a right fucking Corbyn.

“I bought a second-hand van recently but the bottom’s all rusted out, that’s a Corbyn too.”

An Oxford Dictionary spokesman said: “You could compare ‘a Corbyn’ to ‘an ashtray on a motorbike’, but there are some circumstances under which a motorbike ashtray might actually be quite worthwhile.”

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Ask Holly: I made our perfect family look bad

Dear Holly,

My wife is in a massive huff with me because I made a slight fool of myself and made our perfect family look bad. She has been clomping about the house in her fancy frocks being all frosty and aloof, but to be honest she’s always like that because she’s a miserable cow. Do you think she’ll forgive me by Valentine’s Day?

David

LA

Dear David,

As a 10-year old girl, I often daydream about meeting a handsome stranger and we’ll have a massive white wedding with silver confetti and a five-tier wedding cake. I’ll wear a big princess dress like a marshmallow that costs enough to feed a refugee family for a year. Then we’ll spend the best part of the next 40 years listlessly wandering the aisles of B&Q and giving each other death stares over dinner because of a minor issue connected to the washing up. I’ll say the same thing every single day about using the toilet brush and secretly complain to all my smug divorced gal pals about every detail of my husband’s pathetic selfish behaviour. But then I’ll be secretly pleased because at least I won’t have to wear Spanx and go on blind dates with weird bald men off Tinder. And at least I won’t ever have to take out the bins. 

Hope that helps,

Holly