Corbyn ruins old folks' coach trip to Whitby

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn ruined a day out to Whitby for all the other pensioners by being an awkward sod, it has emerged.

The aging socialist kept overruling the other 48 tourists and insisting everyone do what he wanted to do even though the other options were clearly better.

Roy Hobbs, 70, said: “Jeremy made us go to the Whitby Knots & Rope Museum even though everyone else wanted to do the Dracula Experience. It took bloody ages.

“Then we were having fish ’n’ chips for lunch but Jeremy had found a vegetarian cafe instead. Yvonne got quite upset because she’d been looking forward to it and now all she had was shredded lettuce and cheese in a bap.

“Captain Cook’s a colonialist, which is apparently bad, and John Bull’s Rock Shop is peddling outdated patriotism so we couldn’t go there, but he dragged us into a garden centre so he could scrutinise the marrow seeds.

“He’s not a nice, well-meaning old chap after all. He’s a self-centred, bearded git.”

Corbyn said: “Everyone had a marvellous day and agreed with me throughout. I’ve signed up for the Grasmere trip in August.”

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Awful middle class child looking for second treehouse as an investment

A MIDDLE class child is on the lookout for a second treehouse in order to make a killing on the property market.

Seven-year-old Tom Logan is keen to purchase a timber construction one-storey property up a tree that will double in price and could be let out to students.

Logan said: “I’m after a well-maintained treehouse that will shoot up in value thanks to Britain’s insane property prices. I’m almost eight now, so it’s about time I started investing in property.

“I’m not planning to play in it, it’s an investment pure and simple. Who knows, in a few years I could have a nice little portfolio of buy-to-let treehouses.”

Indicating a corner of his parents’ garden, Logan said: “Something in this area would be good. It’s close to all the amenities, like the paddling pool and swing.

“It’s also got easy access to transport links as it’s right near the driveway. A letting agency would be keen on that.”

Logan said he intended to spend the minimum amount furnishing the new property and would only be providing several half-finished Capri Suns and a ‘No gurls alowed’ sign.