Ed Balls hit by absolutely gigantic metaphor

ED BALLS was being battered by an enormous metaphor today after he admitted not stopping when he was supposed to.

The shadow chancellor plead guilty to driving through a red light, which everyone realised was a bit like the last Labour government’s decision to actively encourage the massive credit bubble that ruined everything.

Tom Logan, from Hatfield, said: “Economy – ignore warning signs – off a fucking cliff. Yep, if Ed Balls still has any credibility, that should finish him off.

“I’m sorry, did I just say the words, ‘if Ed Balls still has any credibility’?

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Cameron fears Snapchat will be used for sex riots

DAVID Cameron has warned that a controversial messaging service could trigger a wave of violent frotting.

After Twitter caused the August 2011 riots, the prime minister said Snapchat – which is used to send close-up genital photos that are wiped from the Earth after a few seconds – will encourage teenagers to destroy shops while rubbing themselves and each other.

Cameron said: “If a disaffected youth is sent an image of some bare breasts and a message telling him to smash up Heal’s, he is going to do it. And in a very dirty fashion.

“It’s not fair on hard-working people who have struggled, saved and just want to buy some Alessi egg cups.”

He added: “Snapchat may be used across the world, but it’s making members of the Conservative Party, who don’t understand how it works, feel fretful and discombobulated.

“Their fears should be prioritised.”

But Julian Cook, a social media analyst, said: “There’s a lot of anxiety surrounding Snapchat, because it sounds like something a feral youth would enjoy.

“However, if Tory MPs tried it, I think they would like it.

“And then they would become addicted to it. And then one of them would get caught. And then it would be banned.”