Elect me you little sh*ts
by Boris Johnson, leader of the Conservative party
GOOD day. My message to you, on the final day before the general election, is stop buggering around and vote for me, you little sh*ts.
I’ve spent the last four weeks determinedly not f**king up. I haven’t said any of the things I really think about you, or any of the things I’m going to do to you. I’ve been heroic in my restraint.
When you’ve berated me, in your sh*tty Northern towns, I’ve smiled and taken it. I’ve acted like you have every right to call me a d*ckhead to my face, even though I’m born to rule and you’re subhuman scum.
I have kept my half of the bargain. So what I require of you now – especially you, the voters in Labour constituencies who’ve somehow allowed yourselves to believe I’m on your side – is to get out and f**king vote.
That’s all. After that, I will ask nothing of you ever again and will never again think of you and your pathetic, weak concerns. I hate you. Do as you’re bloody well told.