Saturday, 26th September 2020

Five non-politicians to lead Labour out of crisis

THE NEW Labour leader has to be tough, uncompromising, charismatic and a complete change of direction. Think The Rock. Or any of these: 

Rey Skywalker

An unemployed Jedi with a strong CV of laying waste to her enemies would be popular with traditional Labour voters, and Tories would like her because she’s actually posh. Fictional and could never be elected, so the continuity Corbyn candidate.

A woman

The main idea behind changing the look and direction of the Labour leadership is that it has to be a woman. Doesn’t really matter which one. They’re all roughly the same.

Tony Blair

Though Blair appears to have been teetering on the brink of genuine insanity for the best part of two decades, he’s still the most successful Labour politician ever and perhaps the only person to match Boris Johnson’s megalomania. And still seven years younger than bloody Corbyn.

Prince Harry

He was in the Army, he likes the environment and his wife’s hotter than Trump’s tart. He’d relish having something to do and annoy his older brother at the same time.

30 rats in a sack  

Far better than Corbyn and quite a lot more palatable to the electorate than Rebecca Long-Bailey.