Freeports to allow sexual harassment, homophobic jokes and casual racism

BORIS Johnson has promised freeports will level up the economy and let Britons to dump all that politically correct nonsense to go back to the 70s. 

Freeports will be exempt from tariffs for businesses and exempt from stifling laws about hate speech, workplace sexual harassement, and smoking indoors.

Business secretary Kwasi Kwarteng said: “Freeports will be a man’s world. Every boss will have a dolly-bird secretary who loves an encouraging pat on the bottom.

“No longer will office workers have to go outside into the cold to light up a gasper, tea-breakes are unlimited, and lunchtime drinking is mandatory.

“The humour? Unrestrained by modern convention. For example, I’ve been here in the freeport zone for two hours and I’ve already been the butt of every joke and am now nicknamed ‘Chalky’.

“And if your secretary complains about the stale Scotch and fags on your breath when you move in for a cheeky afternoon kiss? You’ve every right to accuse her of being a lesbian.”

Forklift driver Wayne Hayes said: “I haven’t been able to drink four pints at lunchtime since 1982, because of ‘health and safety’. This sounds like a paradise on earth.”

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Total strangers you’ve just been introduced to

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Your partner’s nan

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