AFTER approving a third runway at Heathrow, the government has decided to press ahead with any idiotic project that sounds impressive.
A number of wasteful ‘prestige’ projects have been given the go-ahead on the basis of whether they make politicians feel important, cost a lot and are called something like ‘Excalibur’.
Transport secretary Chris Grayling said: “I’m proud to announce that Britain will soon have Leviathan, the world’s largest multi-storey car park, located in the picturesque holiday resort of St Ives.
“With 250 floors and the ability to hold more than a million cars, it is fucking massive and therefore good.
“The North of England will not miss out, thanks to a new 20-lane motorway between Bolton and Chorley, with the £50 billion cost expected to be recouped by increased sales of Chorley cakes.
“The biggest project is the world’s first commercial spaceport in Colchester, which will have docking facilities for space vehicles ranging from Millennium Falcon-style freighters to vast exploration vessels powered by warp drives.
“Naysayers have claimed spaceships like this do not exist, but frankly that’s irrelevant so long as I can ponce around in a hard hat.”