THE prime minister has announced plans to cause thousands of avoidable deaths in a scheme he calls ‘saving Christmas’.
Boris Johnson has confirmed that while lifting restrictions on mixing households in the middle of the second wave will cost thousands of lives and cause millions in damage to the economy, the headlines hailing him as the saviour of the festive season will be worth it.
He continued: “Isn’t it the most wonderful time of the year? Carols, mistletoe, presents, the To The Manor Born Christmas special?
“Yes, the boffins think we should stay locked down. No doubt the boffins would have told Churchill not to personally bayonet Nazis on Folkestone beach on Boxing Day in 1940 like he did in my biography.
“But I know, with my unerring feel for the mood of the country, that you’re all so desperate for a big family Christmas that you won’t mind the extra month of lockdown and 10,000 or so excess deaths one bit.
“So break out the tinsel, get everyone together, and let us worry about the consequences which will entirely fall on you guys. I’m saving Christmas. That’s what matters.”
Lucy Parry of Gloucester said: “This is fantastic news, and there’s no danger of this government prioritising good publicity in the short-term over the long-term good of the nation. Just look at their track record.”