Green Party achieves 100 per cent approval among tiresome Steiner parents

SELF-SATISFIED Steiner couples are totally behind the Green Party, it has emerged.

People who send their children to gnome-themed private school confirmed they were far too enlightened to even consider any political alternatives.

38-year-old Steiner dad Julian Cook said: “We’re probably a bit greener than the Greens what with our commitment to composting dead pets. They’re a little mainstream, but they’ll do.

“The planet matters to us, our son’s middle name is actually Biosphere. In fact he has two middle names, the other is a character from Welsh mythology that you wouldn’t have heard of.

“But he’s very sensitive to the subtle rhythms of the planet, as is everyone in this household. It’s because we were all educated partly through the medium of dance rather than wasting time on reading.”

Cook’s wife Sarah said: “The Green Party understands Steiner parents like us who work hard, or at least as hard as is necessary when you have a modest family trust fund, and want to let our kids run around annoying everyone.

“While at the same time being weirdly strict and disapproving with other people’s children.”

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Pink hair people launch their manifesto

PEOPLE with pink hair have issued a document explaining who they are and what they want.

Although not a political party, they felt this was a good time to describe the surprisingly complex pink hair agenda.

58-year-old pink hair person Mary Fisher said: “There is more to dyeing your hair pink than just an overenthusiastic stab at individuality triggered by getting dumped or the menopause.

“Pink hairism is a philosophy dating back to the 12th century, based on a book called the Pinkonomicon that was dictated by unicorns to a middle-aged lady called Ingrid.

“The pink book says that the highest virtue is sassiness, that society must be freed from the shackles of so-called good taste, and that all stationary including envelopes must be pink or at least lilac.”

Pink hair people are predominantly women under 25 or over 55, although men can be inducted if they have read every Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman book.

Mary Fisher said: “Our main thing is we really hate green hair people. In our mythology pink and green unicorns fought to the death over whether green or pink was the most fun colour.

“If we see green hair people and there’s nobody else around, we kill them. Same with blue hair people, they’re bastards too.

“We also want greater recognition for the music of Clannad and Tori Amos, we believe in tarot cards and don’t eat shellfish.”