PHILIP Hammond removes the top of his Bourbon biscuits to lick the cream inside, the latest damaging leak from Cabinet meetings has claimed.
Senior Tories have called for the Chancellor’s resignation after the revelation of his ‘stomach-turning’ approach to the popular breaktime treat, which has been called ‘divisive’ and ‘not conductive to government unity’.
An anonymous source said: “How is anyone supposed to concentrate on budget negotiations with his little pink tongue nipping out again and again, making them horrible and gooey?
“The rest of the cabinet may be split between dunkers and dry but we can live with each other. But what he does is disgusting, and un-British, and if he had any decency he’d go.”
A spokesman for the Treasury replied: “Hammond is making his Bourbon last longer, which in this time of austerity is a bold example to the nation.
“Meanwhile Boris Johnson bites into a four-finger Kit-Kat all at once. Filth.”