Sunday, 9th August 2020

How to blame Remain voters for Brexit

ARE you a Leaver starting to think Brexit might be as bad as everyone said? Here’s how to blame Remainers for it:

They didn’t get behind Brexit

Unfathomably, the people who opposed a thing still opposed it a day later. They should have embraced it, like in the old Brexiter saying ‘Don’t be ungrateful when your house is burned down for it’s doubled the size of your garden’.

They didn’t accept a soft Brexit

Brexit could have been as soft and squidgy as a toasted marshmallow if only nasty Remain MPs hadn’t made a fuss. Theresa May – remember her? – loved the single market and open borders and all that, but you people wouldn’t behave.

They like being victims

If the incessant whining had ever stopped, we’d be a united country. Remainers should have sucked up the insults from the winners, the media and Theresa May – she used to be prime minister – but no, they went running to the courts like little bitches.

They don’t believe in Britain

Every third thought that passes through a Brexiter’s head is about how great Britain is. For Remainers, we’re lucky if it’s one in 20. No wonder the EU saw our weakness and forced us to sign deals that were great triumphs at the time but turned out to be bollocks later.

It can’t be your fault

You’re a patriot who defied the elites and made a decision everybody cheered for because it was right. If Brexit leads to a second recession and you personally losing your job and car, it’s lefty liberal Corbynite citizen-of-nowhere do-gooder Marxist snowflake luvvie traitors to blame. You only voted for it.