I just want you to be happy, Sturgeon tells Miliband

ED Miliband and Nicola Sturgeon have once again failed to fully explore their emotional wants and needs.

In a passionate row, the Labour and SNP leaders discussed their feelings for each other in front of a live and deeply uncomfortable audience.

Trembling and close to tears, Miliband asked Sturgeon: “What is it you want me to do, Nicola? What am I not doing already? I can’t read your mind.

Sturgeon replied: “I want you to be happy. I want us to be happy. But I don’t think you know what happiness really means anymore. How many fucking kitchens is it going to take?”

Miliband said: “Here we go with the kitchens. And yes, you always say you want me to be happy, but on your terms. It’s always on your terms, Nicola.”

Sturgeon then tried to interrupt, as Miliband screamed ‘what about me?’ over and over again.

Eventually Sturgeon said quietly: “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this. You need to grow up. This is real life, Ed. It’s real to me anyway.”

Miliband then removed the watch Sturgeon had bought him for his birthday, threw it at David Dimbleby and ran out of the building.

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Welsh tourist board clearly using pictures of other places

THE Welsh tourist agency has been promoting the country with images of tropical beaches and the Taj Mahal.

Visit Wales came clean after a group of Japanese tourists spent a week trying to locate the Eiffel Tower in Cwmbran.

American tourist Stephen Malley added: “We went to Milford Haven so we could sip margaritas on a sun-kissed beach and dip our toes in crystal blue waters.

“Instead we got an oil refinery. Also, the language makes everyone sound as if they’re choking to death.”

A Visit Wales spokesman said: “We may have removed a few terraced houses and added the odd waterfall or Grand Canyon.

“We did wonder if people would be so disappointed that they would never come back, but then we realised that no-one has ever come back.”

The spokesman also insisted the adverts were not as bad as Visit Scotland’s, which make only passing reference to the Scottish people.