If there’s an afterlife Theresa May is getting the shit haunted out of her, say experts

IF life after death is real then Theresa May is going to get haunted to shit, experts have predicted.

Researchers have speculated that the prime minister’s brutal approach to the NHS could see her facing a non-stop parade of poltergeists, phantoms and other angry spirits.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “If ghosts exist then I imagine they will be seeking vengeance. And fair play to them. I’d be fucked off too if I died on a trolley.”

Meanwhile, medium Nikki Hollis insisted her supernatural contacts were planning a particularly hardcore approach to the haunting of the bumbling leader.

She said: “We’re not talking about some weird footsteps or a few lightbulbs exploding, this is going to be The Shining with knobs on.

“These guys are going to make the Enfield ghost look like Casper.”

However some paranormal experts speculated that May could be a spectre herself, most likely an 18th-century school mistress with some serious personal problems.