Jacob Rees-Mogg sent from 1883 to save Conservative Party
JACOB Rees-Mogg was sent from the year 1883 to stop the Conservatives from being destroyed, it has emerged.
The member for North East Somerset arrived in the 21st century seven years ago, riding an elaborate contraption of valves and levers propelled by a giant striped parasol.
Carrying only a steamer trunk of starched clothes from his own era, Rees-Mogg stumbled out of the machine determined to restore honest, decent rule by gentlemen.
A Commons source said: “The prime minister of his day, Bonar Law, could see the danger posed by modern times and was determined that the barbarians should not win.
“Mr Rees-Mogg’s mission is to ensure that no man dare appear hatless in public, that the Irish should not achieve Home Rule and that voting be rolled back to land-owners only.
“He will also, via his good offices and persuasive pamphlets, see to it that Great Britain disentangles itself from any unfortunate continental conglomeration with the baser European nations. After all, we have an Empire.
“Furthermore, should the suffragette movement lead to women believing they are fit to hold public office, Mr Rees-Mogg will gently correct their hysteria and lead them back to their homemaking roles.
“In all, we should like for men to look at Mr Rees-Mogg, his attire, his bearing and bestow on him the supreme accolade, ‘Oh yes. You, Sir, are a Tory.’”