ALMOST 80 per cent of Labour MPs have applied to change their name to Eric Pickles, it has emerged.
The MPs, who are also dressing, talking and voting exactly as the communities secretary does, believe that only becoming Pickles will persuade the electorate to vote for them again.
Leeds West MP Eric Pickles, formerly Rachel Reeves, said: “The country rejected Labour for the Tories, and the ultimate Tory is Pickles.
“If we ever want to gain power again, we must eat like Pickles, look like Pickles, think like Pickles.
“We are Pickles. We are legion.”
The policy, backed by leadership candidates Eric Pickles, Eric Pickles and Eric Pickles but opposed by Jeremy Corbyn, has Commons barbers working overtime shaving hair into Pickles cuts and bleaching skin for the perfect Pickles pallor.
Floating voter Susan Traherne said: “The Tories have the original Eric Pickles, but there’s only one of him.
“This magnificent army of Pickleses, or perhaps the plural is Picklii, is what the country needs.
“If Cameron was a proper Conservative, he’d already be Eric Pickles. The fact he isn’t speaks volumes.”