TWO frontrunners have emerged in what is expected to be the most exciting Lib Dem leadership contest since William Gladstone defeated Florence Nightingale in 1865.
With former leader Tim Farron quitting because people have sex, speculation is now rife over who could fill his comfortable, wipe-clean shoes.
Stephen Malley, a Lib Dem voter, said: “Both candidates seem perfect. The guy you’ve never heard of is like the physical embodiment of a Richard Curtis film.
“Meanwhile the two-thirds of a fart is some gas that’s determined to reverse Brexit.”
Other candidates include the oldest man in the world, a corduroy beanbag and a homemade quiche.
It is expected to be a more dramatic contest than 2015 when Tim Farron defeated a child’s drawing of some wool and an inch of tepid milk in the bottom of a cereal bowl.