Man can’t understand why there isn’t a political party just for him

A GROWN man is in a huff because no political party exactly matches his views, it has emerged. 

Graphic designer Tom Logan, 36, has told friends that if no party is willing to support every single one of his beliefs then he is not going to vote at all.

He said: “Where’s the representation for those of us who want grammar schools but also want to get rid of Trident? Or nationalisation of the railways and less foreign aid?

“I support the decriminalisation of cannabis, but not one major party does. It’s like they don’t want my vote.

“You’d think they’d do one of these focus groups, but just with me, then put all my ideas into their manifesto verbatim. But they haven’t got the vision.

“Looks like I’ll be sitting this one out. I’m sorry, but if they won’t make the effort why should I?”

Delivery driver Roy Hobbs said: “Ah well, more power to me. Let’s have a good hard Brexit and martial law while we’re at it.”

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£70k a year nothing, factory workers agree

A GROUP of Burnley factory workers have agreed that nobody on £70,000 a year can really be considered ‘rich’. 

The men, who hold minimum wage line operator positions at a engineering firm, have reacted to Labour’s threat to tax the ‘rich’ earning £70,000 or more a year with incredulity.

Roy Hobbs, aged 55, said: “Where are they getting their average income figures? 1975?

“With those kind of earnings, assuming your spouse’s earnings are roughly equivalent, you’re going to get a mortgage of £450k, tops. That goes nowhere in this market.

Co-worker Wayne Hayes said: “And don’t forget school fees. Knock those off, couple of decent foreign holidays a year, you’d be struggling to build an investment portfolio.”

Norman Steele agreed: “Your £70k a year, they’re these just-about-managing that Theresa May knows about. The last thing they can cope with is more tax.

“These Labour politicians need to get their heads out of their arses and live in the real world.”